"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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