I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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