I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm both gender and math confused
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
