Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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