You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
