Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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