And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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