Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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