oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse