So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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