People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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