I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
