How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
