R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
