I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
