I cannot find my penis.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
