You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
