Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
