Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
