im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
