I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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