So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
