Got a toothbrush?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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