If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have fence marks all over my body
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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