He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
