I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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