If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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