i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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