so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
