Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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