just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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