I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
