when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
