So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
