I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
