you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
