Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
