i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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