relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
