I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
