the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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