i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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