I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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