It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
