well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
