Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
