For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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