Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Soap is not a condiment
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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