Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
