I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
