It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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