He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
