oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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