Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
