dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
