i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
