Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
