Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
