Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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